All A Part Of HIS Plan | Spoken Word Poetry {Video}

 

If you can look back over your life and say, “If ‘that’ didn’t happen I wouldn’t be the person I am today”
If you can look back over your life and say, “there was PURPOSE in my PAIN”…

If you can look back over your life and thank God for UNANSWERED prayers….
If you can look can look back over your life and thank your NAYSAYERS….

If you can look back over your life and say, “What the enemy meant for bad God used it for my good!”
If you can look back over your life and say, “I don’t look the way I SHOULD!”

You should be able to understand…
that even the bad things were all apart of God’s plan

Mary of Bethany

While studying admirable women in the Bible, one in particular stands out to me- Mary of Bethany. She was the sister of Lazarus, whom Jesus Christ raised from the dead. She was dear to Christ as she loved being in His presence, often sitting at His feet while He spoke. One evening, Jesus had dinner with Mary, Mary’s sister Martha, Lazarus, and Simon. Mary took out an expensive oil and begin anointing Jesus’s feet with it and wiping them with her hair (John 12:3). When she did this, many people had negative things to say about her because she was a “sinner”. Judas (Jesus’ disciple who later betrayed him) complained that she wasted such an expensive oil while it’s value was enough to feed the poor. (John 12:5) Jesus kindly told him that she was doing the right thing, cherishing her time with Him as she knew that her time with Him was short. The ointment she used to anoint His feet was so expensive that she could have sold it and become rich. It was probably the most expensive thing she owned yet she chose to pour it on the feet on Jesus. What a way to worship the Lord!

 Mary sitting at the feet of the Lord, anointing and washing His feet, displayed her reverence for Him. She honored Him. She chose to spend all her time at His feet. Although people had negative things to say about her, it did not stop her worship. She cared more about what the Lord thought about her than what people had to say about her. If only more of us could adopt this mindset. If only we’d spend time at the feet of Jesus like Mary did. If only we’d lift our hands higher, raise our voices louder, part our lips wider despite the negative things people have to say. Nobody knows what you’ve been through more than you know. Nobody knows how hard it was to come out of your past better than you do. Nobody knows the cost of your praise, except you.

 Jesus had given the complainers this parable: “There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?” (Luke 7:42)  Which one of the debtors do you believe was more grateful? I’m sure that the debtor who owed more was more grateful as it cost the creditor so much more to pardon him. That is what Jesus wanted the complainers to understand. Yes, everyone in town probably knew about Mary’s past. But she was now a new creation in the eyes of the Lord. And for that she was grateful.Grateful for His forgiveness, His mercy, His grace, His Love. So she worshipped, not caring who was looking or listening, or who was complaining about her being there. She had a praise on the inside that she couldn’t keep to herself. And nobody was going to stop her.  

Love, Mizz K ♥

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© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Thank You

 It was your mean words….

It was your turning your back on me when I needed you most…

It was your telling me that I would turn out just like my mother…

It was your beating me for no reason other than being BORN…

It was your burning my innocent 3 year old fingers on a gas stove…

It was your calling me ugly…

It was your calling me stupid…

It was your calling me B*tch as if it was my name…

It was your talking about me behind my back…

It was your telling me that I would never be anything…

It was your saying that there was no hope for me…

It was your turning your back on my daughter and living the life as if you have no children…

It was your pretending to be my best friend so that I let you in the way I’ve never let anyone in only for you to betray me…

It was your leaving me out & making sure to remind me every chance you got that I was not really apart of the family…

It was your turning your nose up at me because of my dark skin…

It was your selfishness when I loss the one person who was my EVERYTHING and all you could ask was “what did she leave ME??”

It was your telling me that you care nothing for me nor my daughter even though we are your blood…

It was your stealing from me…

It was your touching me in places you knew were forbidden but you were so HORNY & PERVERTED that all you cared about was getting yourself off, forget the fact that I was only a child!!

It was your not liking me for no reason…

It was your envy turned hate…

It was your judging me…

It was your wishing for my failure…

that ALMOST took me out!

anoint my head

Instead, I grew STRONGER… I worked HARDER…. I pushed FARTHER…. I became DETERMINED to prove all my naysayers wrong.

Most importantly, I ran away from the WORLD and into the arms of my Saviour never to look back. He wiped away my tears that I cried for so long… made me secure in my moments of insecurity. Gave me a sound mind when I should have been crazy. Helped me to love because He first loved me. Taught me to forgive by forgiving me. I have wanted for nothing; He has provided exceedingly and abundantly above all that I can ask or think. He’s favored me, had mercy on me, saved me, blessed me, anointed me, kept me…. elevated me

All in the presence of my Enemies

 -Mizz K ♥

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over, Psalm 23:5 

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© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

God Knows BEST

A few days ago I heard a radio message about trusting God and not getting discouraged when our prayers are not answered right away; and believing He knows what He’s doing when our prayers are not answered at all. This message really stuck to me because it made me think about the many times I’ve prayed for something and didn’t get what I was asking for. I can even remember thinking, Somebody told me that God will give me the desires of my heart so why is He not doing so? (Key phrase: somebody told me) When I actually read Psalms 37:4 for myself, it says, “Delight yourself in the Lord AND He will give u the desires of your heart”. Hmmm, I thought. DELIGHT myself in the Lord. Well what does it mean to delight myself in the Lord? To delight myself in Him is to find happiness in Him…. To find JOY in Him…. Gladness. So I must first get to know Him…. attach myself to Him and Trust Him. I can’t delight myself in what I cannot trust.

So what makes me trust Him? When I look back and think about all the things He saved me from, I realize He’s always had my best interest at heart. He has been looking out for me my entire life by NOT answering every single prayer.  Had he answered my prayer to let me get that job I wanted so badly, I would not have ended up in the position I’m in now which I LOVE! I would not have met my dear coworker/friend who has been instrumental in my spiritual growth. Her knowledge of the Word and thirst for God began impacting my life from our very first conversation. Think about something you prayed so hard about in your past that you can now look back on and say, “Thank You Lord for not giving me what I asked for!”  Had He answered your prayer for that woman or man to be the ONE, you would be miserable now that you think about it. If He had answered your prayer about getting you out of that storm that you felt was killing you slowly, you would not have built up the strength that you have today from GOING THROUGH IT! If you can look back on your life and say, ” If it had not been for [this] I would not be as STRONG as I am today; I would not have as much FAITH as I have in Him today; I would not be as CLOSE to Him as I am today”–   you, my friend, should be able to trust that God was looking out for you back then and He has not stop looking out for you now.

Trust in Him and know that He often has something much Greater in store for us than what we are asking for. I think about a friend of mine. She was a single mother with one child at the time, but took on two of her family members because their mother could not take care of them. She lived in a small apartment and had been trying to move to a bigger place. But every place she applied to denied her application. She did not understand why she kept getting denied because she had good rental history, good credit, and decent income. I remember her being so discouraged. I didn’t understand it either. Why won’t anybody except her application, I thought. Turns out, it was all apart of God’s plan. After being denied by numerous apartments, and just as she was giving up, she was approved to move into a 3 bedroom house! She could rent to OWN this 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, finished basement, big backyard HOUSE. And the payments were much lower than what she would have been paying if she had rented an apartment. I was so happy for her. I remember saying to her, “Wow, so this is why you were denied everywhere you applied. Thank God for not answering your prayer!” Imagine if He had answered her prayer right away and  given her an apartment. She would not be living in her own home right now with more than enough space for her now family of 6. God had a much bigger plan for her than a 2 bedroom apartment.

We may be praying about something that we want so badly but God seems like He’s not hearing us. Or, we may be holding onto something that is not for us, not realizing that God has something, bigger, better, and greater than what we can ever imagine.

 I believe that once we are truly delighted in Him our desires will begin to change anyway, and become His Will. One sure way to know that your prayers will ALWAYS be answered each and every time? Pray for God’s Will in your life. That is one prayer that will ALWAYS be answered.

Love, Mizz K ♥

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© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

This is not a “woe is me” or sympathy post. Writing is therapy for me as it helps me get things out of and off of me. For the most part, I’m easy-going, happy, and optimistic. But I have to admit that lately I’ve been a bit overwhelmed and have had to intentionally keep my mind from wondering to a “why me” mindset. I have not talked about this publicly but back in July I found out I have some health issues that will require surgery. I was referred to a specialist and got a scheduled surgery date of August 28th. On the morning of August 13th I got calls from several family members telling me to hurry and get to my father’s house as my aunt (his sister) was not able to wake him up. I rushed to his house and by the time I got there, the ambulance was already there. When I walked in, and my aunt slowly shook her head with tears in her eyes, I already knew what that meant. My father had died in his sleep. I couldn’t believe it. I knew he was sick but I was not prepared for him to die so soon. We were actually supposed to be leaving that morning to go on a road trip. But when I had gotten my surgery date, I told him we needed to move the trip. The reason for moving it was because I had a lot of running around and preparation to do before surgery. After the surgery I wouldn’t be able to do much for at least 6 weeks. Plus, my daughter’s first day of school would be August 30th and we still needed to go school shopping. If I hadn’t moved the trip, my daughter and I would have arrived that morning to pick him up and possibly would have found him dead. That would have been traumatizing for my daughter so I was actually glad that we had moved it. I was then filled with regret for not taking the trip sooner. I was filled with regret for not taking our family pictures that he’d been pressing me about. I kept putting things off because I assumed we had more time. There were so many things my daughter and I was supposed to do with my father and it all hit me that none of that would be possible now that he was gone. If you’ve read my book or follow me on social media, you know I’ve been pretty open about my life and the fact that my father and I did not have the greatest relationship. In my early years, he was the BEST thing that ever happened to me lol. I loved when he came to visit; I would be anxious all day in school knowing I would see him after school. After my mother died when I was 10, I really got to see him a lot. I went to his house on the weekends and we went to the movies, the zoo, the aquarium; we were always doing something. Fast forward to age 15… I had to live with him because my aunt could no longer handle me. My father had a drinking problem and he was very verbally abusive. It caused me to have very low self-esteem that carried over well into adult-hood. Fast forward to years later… I eventually forgave him and our relationship had gotten so much better. These past few months were the best they’ve ever been. My daughter and I had downloaded Google Duo on his phone so we’d been video chatting him. We talked often, laughed, etc. I felt like we were friends. And he was sooo looking forward to our trip. He had even gone out and bought a new suitcase and some new clothes. And then all of a sudden he was gone. Just as things were getting GOOD. The thing I’m most thankful for, though, is the fact that our latter days were better than our former days. That was my prayer and it was answered.

On August 23rd, two days before my father’s funeral, I got a call that my oldest brother may have been found dead. I was in the middle of planning my father’s funeral (which I had to rush because of my upcoming surgery) and I honestly couldn’t handle the news of my brother. So, I pushed the news of my brother to the back of my mind. I told myself, “I’m not going to think about this right now. It may not be him. I will worry about this when he is identified.” Well, the next day, I got the call that it was in fact my brother. Again, I pushed it to the back of my mind as my father’s funeral was the next morning. It was at the repast after the funeral that it hit me that my brother is GONE. While my father’s funeral was closure for many people, it was just the beginning for me as reality was setting in that he is gone and now I have to bury my brother. Thankfully, my sisters took over planning my brother’s service. After planning my father’s funeral and with my surgery scheduled for that upcoming Saturday, I did not have the mental, physical, or financial capacity for anything else. (Oh and at the last minute, my surgery was postponed smh) For days, I was literally STUCK. I would sit and stare into space. I honestly could not put into words what I was feeling. I just know it was a mixture of sadness, anger, and confusion. I could not believe this was my reality.

My brother had no life insurance so my siblings and I had to pool our money and my sisters ultimately decided on cremation. I wasn’t happy about it but there wasn’t much we could do. As I’m writing this, I’m realizing its just SO MUCH more to this but I’d be writing forever. Long story short, my sisters ended up doing something for my brother and left me out. That pain was worse than the pain of losing him. My oldest sister, who is 20 years older, disowned me as a sister years ago. My mother had her when she was 15 and she had me at 35 so our experiences with our mother were VERY different. Back then, my mother had chosen the streets over being a mother but by the time she had me, she had gotten her life together. To me, she was the best Mommy in the world. To this very day, my sister takes her anger for my mother out on me. She knew how close me and my brother were and the fact that she left me out was intentional.

Between losing my father and brother and having to deal with family members on both sides, I’m exhausted. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more alone. The people who all loved me the most and would usually be here for me in times like this are all gone- My mother, my Aunt Tricia who raised me after my mother died, my stepfather, and now my father and brother are gone. And let me tell you, my brother loved himself some ME. He was my protector, my personal comedian, my tickler… he would tickle me until I was in tears lol. He never had kids so I was his baby. I just can’t believe my brother is actually GONE. And he died on the same date my other brother was killed years ago, August 23rd. 10 days after my father. Again, this is not a “woe is me” post. But this hurts. It all hurts. I’m still waiting on my new surgery date as I type this smh. I’m just ready to get it over with. But at the same time, I’m glad that I’m not dealing with all this and trying to recover from surgery at the same time. So I suppose it’s better this way. If you’ve read this to the end, thanks for letting me vent. If you remember, say a prayer for me and my daughter the next time you pray. Thanks.

Love,

Mizz K

“Grief is Not Brief”

While I cook, I always wash dishes as I go. This was something my Aunt Tricia taught me as a child and it stuck with me. Tonight while I was cooking and washing dishes she came to mind and I started thinking about all the things I do or habits I have that came from her. Then I started thinking about how I wouldn’t have been raised by her if my mother hadn’t died. For a quick moment, I thought, “I still can’t believe she’s gone.” Mind you, my mother died when I was 10, and I’m now 35. But every now and then I still have those moments. I write about this in my post The Pain Of Losing A Mother.

My Bishop says, “grief is not brief”, and I can attest to that from experience. Grief is a lifelong process. There are 5 stages of grief- Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It’s possible to find yourself going back and forth between 2 or 3 of the stages for a lifetime. You may have gone through all 5 stages and are good for a while, maybe even years. And then there are moments that you’ll experience or accomplish something that you’ll wish they were here to see and you may find yourself angry or depressed. And then you’ll find yourself back to Acceptance where you have made peace with the fact that none of us are meant to live forever. And if you’re a believer that they are in good hands with the Father and that you’ll see them again, you find yourself even more at peace. I know we’ve been told that time heals all wounds. It doesn’t. God will do that. But you have to let Him. When I have my moments of missing my mother or my Aunt Tricia or really anybody I’ve lost, I simply say, “Lord, help me. I need You.” I don’t try to act like I’m good like I used to. God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness so if I want to experience His power, His comfort, His love, I gotta give Him my pain, my sadness, my grief. And so do you. Give it to God. All of it. And then go to sleep