While I cook, I always wash dishes as I go. This was something my Aunt Tricia taught me as a child and it stuck with me. Tonight while I was cooking and washing dishes she came to mind and I started thinking about all the things I do or habits I have that came from her. Then I started thinking about how I wouldn’t have been raised by her if my mother hadn’t died. For a quick moment, I thought, “I still can’t believe she’s gone.” Mind you, my mother died when I was 10, and I’m now 35. But every now and then I still have those moments. I write about this in my post The Pain Of Losing A Mother.
My Bishop says, “grief is not brief”, and I can attest to that from experience. Grief is a lifelong process. There are 5 stages of grief- Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It’s possible to find yourself going back and forth between 2 or 3 of the stages for a lifetime. You may have gone through all 5 stages and are good for a while, maybe even years. And then there are moments that you’ll experience or accomplish something that you’ll wish they were here to see and you may find yourself angry or depressed. And then you’ll find yourself back to Acceptance where you have made peace with the fact that none of us are meant to live forever. And if you’re a believer that they are in good hands with the Father and that you’ll see them again, you find yourself even more at peace. I know we’ve been told that time heals all wounds. It doesn’t. God will do that. But you have to let Him. When I have my moments of missing my mother or my Aunt Tricia or really anybody I’ve lost, I simply say, “Lord, help me. I need You.” I don’t try to act like I’m good like I used to. God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness so if I want to experience His power, His comfort, His love, I gotta give Him my pain, my sadness, my grief. And so do you. Give it to God. All of it. And then go to sleep