Being a mother can bring out the best in us. It can also bring…

…the ‘not-so-good’ out of us. Since I became a mother (12 years ago) I’ve learned things about myself that I don’t think I would have ever learned had I not become a Mommy. While my daughter brings a silliness out of me that I thought I left in my childhood and love that literally makes my chest hurt, having her also brought out my brokenness, insecurities, and all the pain I had buried inside of me. I write about this in my article Confession From An Imperfect Mother so I won’t go into detail here, but I’m grateful that God used her to show me-me. What prompted me to write this article was realizing how the text I got from my daughter’s teacher today completely changed my mood. He texted me that she wasn’t following directions and was even rude when he redirected her. I’ve recently realized that I could be having a perfect day, but the moment something is off with my daughter, my perfect day is no more. What is that? Am I the only Mommy who this happens to? I don’t think I’m the only one but I certainly don’t think it’s a good thing.  I could be wrong but I think maybe this happens when we tie our identities to our children. The moment they act up, we question whether we’re doing a good job. When we punish them, we wonder whether it was too harsh or not harsh enough. When we’re in public and our kids are acting out, we look around us to make sure no one is looking. Or am I the only one that can admit this? lol

I’m told often what a great mother I am and how great of a job I’m doing, but people don’t realize how much I lean on God to help me. I’m constantly praying for Him to help me say the right thing, help me deliver the most effective consequences, help me lay a solid foundation so that when she’s on her own she doesn’t stray too far from it. (Proverbs 22:) I go to Him for everything concerning her. After all, He created her so He knows the best way to deal with her.

I see more than ever how important it is for us as Mommies to take care ourselves so we can take good care of our babies. If we don’t, unfortunately, they end up suffering consequences that have nothing to do with them, but everything to do with us

Motherhood is a journey in which we have no idea the bumps and turns we’ll run into along the way. Many of us are just winging it while many of us are reading every piece of literature we can on how to be a good Mommy. Whichever of the two you are (I think I’m in the middle lol), know you are not alone. That’s actually one of the things I find comfort in, knowing there are other Mommies out there who feel the same as me. And being able to come to this blog for therapy, to transparently write out what’s on my mind. Whether 10 people read it or 10,000 there is something therapeutic about taking the thoughts in your head and writing them on a piece of paper or typing them onto a computer screen. You instantly feel better because you’ve let it out. If you haven’t already, you should try 🙂

If you can relate, I’d love to hear from you. If you can’t, I’d love to hear from you as well. I need to know how you detach so well lol.

As always, feel free to reach out for advice, prayer requests, etc. at love_mizzk@yahoo.com

Until Next time!

Love, Mizz K 

 

side smile Kendra “Mizz K” Fowler is a poet, blogger, and the author of Pain, Promiscuity, Purpose: From Mess To Ministry and Not My Goodies: 10 Benefits of Practicing Abstinence until Marriage” which can be found on Amazon.com. You may connect with Mizz K on IG @love_mizzk and on Facebook @AuthorMizzK

 

 

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Do You Pay More Attention To Your ‘News Feed’ Than You Do Your Child?

“It’s just Facebook!” We all like to say that, but is it really? I read a story this morning about how a mother did not realize she was addicted to social media until her small daughter expressed that she felt like her Mommy liked the computer more than she liked her. It made me think of a similar experience I had with my own daughter. One day I was in my phone reading; I do not remember what it was but I do remember that my daughter kept asking me questions. I was so into what I was reading that I was not paying her any attention. I can remember nodding and saying okay a few times. Then she burst out and said, “Mommy you don’t pay me any attention anymore. You’re always in your phone!” I looked at her and she looked like she was about to cry. I realized her feelings were hurt. I put down my phone, hugged her and told her that I was sorry and I will do better.

Now, this wasn’t something I was hearing for the first time. I have been told by countless people that I’m always in my phone and don’t pay attention. Every single guy that I have ever dated has complained about me not paying them any attention because I’m always in my phone. My aunt, before she passed away, would always tell me put away my phone. When my father is riding in my car, he points out that whatever it is I’m looking at in my phone when I stop at a red light can wait. None of that phased me though. It’s my phone and I pay the bill so I can be on my phone all day and night if I pleased. Until it came out of my daughter’s mouth. When she said it, I finally heard it. I was addicted to my phone. Whether I was browsing Facebook, Instagram, or reading the mag articles that are sent to my email daily, I was in my phone constantly. I was online more than I was present with my baby. Sometimes I would plan to just get online and browse for a minute to see what’s going on. A minute would turn into 30 minutes and then an hour. Next thing I know hours would have gone past and I still needed to cook dinner, clean, or check homework.

I am sharing this to bring light to the fact that we don’t realize that the little bit of time we think we are spending on social media adds up to hours. Sometimes as many hours as we spend at work! If you don’t know if you are addicted, ask yourself how often you get on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. Do you find yourself at a red light pulling out your phone “just to see what’s going on”? Do you find yourself falling behind at work or school because a few minutes of browsing turned into hours of commenting, liking, and sharing posts? Do you find that you are on social media from the time your child comes home from school up until he or she is gone to bed? If so, I hope you can admit it and begin taking the necessary steps to fight this addiction. It’s just as bad as being addicted to drugs, alcohol, or sex. Addictions of any kind are unhealthy.

I am not saying that social media is a bad thing. I’m not saying that at all. It’s a great way to stay connected to the people you care about who live far away. It’s a great way to network and market your business. It’s a great way to evangelize to this lost world. What I am saying, though, is that social media addiction is real and our children are affected more than we realize.

I cannot pretend that I am completely over my addiction. It’s definitely a process as I am always tempted to get on my phone. I try to use social media now to do what I’m called to do, spread the Word of God and bring others to the feet of Christ. And I’ve been including my daughter in that. When I write, I let her proofread and give me her opinion. She is waiting at this very moment for me to finish this article so that she can read it before I publish it lol. She is almost 10 years old and time is flying. One day I will look back and wish I spent every single second with her hugging and loving on her. This is what makes me deactivate my accounts to take a break when I find myself online constantly. This is what makes me delete the apps from my phone. This is what makes me leave my phone upstairs when we are eating or watching a movie together.  I never want her to believe that she comes second to social media.

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© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Out Of The Mouth Of A Babe

It’s amazing how God talks to me sometimes. He uses the least expected people. He has used my daughter quite a few times to remind me of some things but today He really sat me down.
After picking her up from school, my daughter (9 years old) and I were in the car sitting at a red light. She was looking out the window over at a homeless man lying on the ground. She said, “Mommy look at that homeless man over there.”
I said to her, “I know it’s sad, we just have to pray for him.” The light turned green and I continued on. Once we drove a couple of blocks down, she said “Mommy lets buy him something to eat”.
Now, I have to be completely honest. In my mind I was hoping that thought quickly left her head. I was not in the mood to go into my little bit of money and buy this homeless man something to eat. Plus it would mean making a U-turn and getting back into traffic. So I said, “Maybe next time, there’s no place to buy anything to eat right here”.  I was so hoping she would say okay and leave it alone. But she persisted. And persisted. She said, “Yes it is places to eat Mommy lets just get him something to eat today please”. I felt so bad because she was right. There was a Chinese carry-out on the next street over. So we went and got him some Chinese food. As I was looking through my purse for a five dollar bill, she was telling me to hurry because “he looked really hungry”. I told her that I needed to find that five dollar bill because I did not want to break my last $20. She said, “Just break it Mommy”. So I did.
My daughter has never sounded so mature, and so serious. I believe it was God talking to me through her. It’s no coincidence that I’m currently reading a book, called Your Money Counts; it’s a “biblical guide for budgeting, spending, and giving” which has told me over and over again to GIVE GIVE GIVE!! I have been praying to God to change my heart because I have never been a “giver”. It’s easy to just start giving but I pray for a cheerful heart. The Bible says that it’s more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35). It also says that we should give cheerfully (2 Corinthians 9:7). So I not only want to give but I want to LOVE and get joy from giving. It is truly amazing how God has been transforming my thinking on the whole subject of money and giving while reading this book and studying what the Bible says about it. I’m so glad that He’s answering my prayer and that He used my baby to remind me of what I prayed for.

I would have missed my opportunity to give to someone in need today if it had not been for my daughter’s persistence.  I was so proud of her, I had no words. I was in awe of how happy she was afterwards. She said to me, “I can’t believe I did that. I’m so happy”. I said, “Yes me too. I’m glad I had some money on me so we could do that for him”. She said, “You had money on you because God wanted you to do that.”

 Like what you read? Please subscribe to my site by clicking ‘Subscribe to Mizz K’s Posts’ to receive an email notification for future posts 

© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content