“Children Are Seasonal…”

“Children are seasonal…”. This statement hit me like a ton of bricks as I watched the interview of Gospel singer JJ Hairston and his wife, Trina, on Sister Circle Live.  They were on the show promoting their new book and was asked how they balance their marriage with parenthood. When Trina said she puts her marriage first because “children are seasonal,” I instantly thought of my daughter. I have been on an emotional roller coaster these past few days as the reality of my daughter now being a highschooler has set in. Monday I dropped her off at her new high school and I fought back tears as I watched her walk into this new stage of her life. So many thoughts went through my mind:

She’s entering into a whole new world.’

She’s going to be in the same vicinity as 17 and even 18-year-old boys.’

She’s still a baby at 13.’

Four more years and she’s gonna be going off to college.’

I’ve probably been praying more lately than I ever have before lol. But even in the midst of my worry, I’m trying to exercise my faith and trust that God has her. He’s been telling me in various ways that I need to begin to back off of her a little and allow her to grow. Hearing Trina Hairston make that statement about children being seasonal reminded me that our children are not meant to remain babies forever. While 18 years seems like a lot when your baby is only a year old, when that baby hits 9th grade the 4 more years that he/she has left in school feels like you only have a few months left with them. Hearing that statement made me think about the fact that I will be 38 years old when/if she goes off to college. At 38, I will still be young with a life to live and a purpose to fulfill. Now I understand why older married couples are often encouraging young married couples to date and have a life outside their children. Their reason is that once the nest is empty, the married couple will be strangers to each other if they neglected their own relationship so that their world would revolve around their children. Even as a single mom (prayerfully I will be married well before she goes off to college), I believe that that advice is relevant to me as well. If these past 13 years, soon to be 14, went as quickly as they did, these next 4 will be over before I know it. One day when I’m much older, her 18 years will have been but a fraction of my entire life. Thinking about it this way really puts things into perspective for me and helps me to make peace with the fact that my daughter’s childhood is ‘seasonal’. What’s most important now is ensuring that I am adequately preparing her for adulthood and being intentional about maximizing our time together. She’s going to grow up and eventually move out. And prayerfully she will one day get married and have children of her own.

If our own lives do not belong to us, what makes me think my child’s life belongs to me? This is hard truth to accept but it’s necessary. I would like to hear from other parents on this.

*If you are a parent and experiencing the same, please let me how it’s going for you.

*If you’re an empty nester, what advice do you have for me and other parents who are in this stage of realizing it’s time to cut the cord?

 

Until next time,
Love, Mizz K

P.S. If you haven’t already, please subscribe to my YouTube channel, Thinking Like a VIRTUOUS Woman, where I inspire women to think like the woman in Proverbs 31 both spiritually and financially.

Being a mother can bring out the best in us. It can also bring…

…the ‘not-so-good’ out of us. Since I became a mother (12 years ago) I’ve learned things about myself that I don’t think I would have ever learned had I not become a Mommy. While my daughter brings a silliness out of me that I thought I left in my childhood and love that literally makes my chest hurt, having her also brought out my brokenness, insecurities, and all the pain I had buried inside of me. I write about this in my article Confession From An Imperfect Mother so I won’t go into detail here, but I’m grateful that God used her to show me-me. What prompted me to write this article was realizing how the text I got from my daughter’s teacher today completely changed my mood. He texted me that she wasn’t following directions and was even rude when he redirected her. I’ve recently realized that I could be having a perfect day, but the moment something is off with my daughter, my perfect day is no more. What is that? Am I the only Mommy who this happens to? I don’t think I’m the only one but I certainly don’t think it’s a good thing.  I could be wrong but I think maybe this happens when we tie our identities to our children. The moment they act up, we question whether we’re doing a good job. When we punish them, we wonder whether it was too harsh or not harsh enough. When we’re in public and our kids are acting out, we look around us to make sure no one is looking. Or am I the only one that can admit this? lol

I’m told often what a great mother I am and how great of a job I’m doing, but people don’t realize how much I lean on God to help me. I’m constantly praying for Him to help me say the right thing, help me deliver the most effective consequences, help me lay a solid foundation so that when she’s on her own she doesn’t stray too far from it. (Proverbs 22:) I go to Him for everything concerning her. After all, He created her so He knows the best way to deal with her.

I see more than ever how important it is for us as Mommies to take care ourselves so we can take good care of our babies. If we don’t, unfortunately, they end up suffering consequences that have nothing to do with them, but everything to do with us

Motherhood is a journey in which we have no idea the bumps and turns we’ll run into along the way. Many of us are just winging it while many of us are reading every piece of literature we can on how to be a good Mommy. Whichever of the two you are (I think I’m in the middle lol), know you are not alone. That’s actually one of the things I find comfort in, knowing there are other Mommies out there who feel the same as me. And being able to come to this blog for therapy, to transparently write out what’s on my mind. Whether 10 people read it or 10,000 there is something therapeutic about taking the thoughts in your head and writing them on a piece of paper or typing them onto a computer screen. You instantly feel better because you’ve let it out. If you haven’t already, you should try 🙂

If you can relate, I’d love to hear from you. If you can’t, I’d love to hear from you as well. I need to know how you detach so well lol.

As always, feel free to reach out for advice, prayer requests, etc. at love_mizzk@yahoo.com

Until Next time!

Love, Mizz K 

 

side smile Kendra “Mizz K” Fowler is a poet, blogger, and the author of Pain, Promiscuity, Purpose: From Mess To Ministry and Not My Goodies: 10 Benefits of Practicing Abstinence until Marriage” which can be found on Amazon.com. You may connect with Mizz K on IG @love_mizzk and on Facebook @AuthorMizzK

 

 

Do You Pay More Attention To Your ‘News Feed’ Than You Do Your Child?

“It’s just Facebook!” We all like to say that, but is it really? I read a story this morning about how a mother did not realize she was addicted to social media until her small daughter expressed that she felt like her Mommy liked the computer more than she liked her. It made me think of a similar experience I had with my own daughter. One day I was in my phone reading; I do not remember what it was but I do remember that my daughter kept asking me questions. I was so into what I was reading that I was not paying her any attention. I can remember nodding and saying okay a few times. Then she burst out and said, “Mommy you don’t pay me any attention anymore. You’re always in your phone!” I looked at her and she looked like she was about to cry. I realized her feelings were hurt. I put down my phone, hugged her and told her that I was sorry and I will do better.

Now, this wasn’t something I was hearing for the first time. I have been told by countless people that I’m always in my phone and don’t pay attention. Every single guy that I have ever dated has complained about me not paying them any attention because I’m always in my phone. My aunt, before she passed away, would always tell me put away my phone. When my father is riding in my car, he points out that whatever it is I’m looking at in my phone when I stop at a red light can wait. None of that phased me though. It’s my phone and I pay the bill so I can be on my phone all day and night if I pleased. Until it came out of my daughter’s mouth. When she said it, I finally heard it. I was addicted to my phone. Whether I was browsing Facebook, Instagram, or reading the mag articles that are sent to my email daily, I was in my phone constantly. I was online more than I was present with my baby. Sometimes I would plan to just get online and browse for a minute to see what’s going on. A minute would turn into 30 minutes and then an hour. Next thing I know hours would have gone past and I still needed to cook dinner, clean, or check homework.

I am sharing this to bring light to the fact that we don’t realize that the little bit of time we think we are spending on social media adds up to hours. Sometimes as many hours as we spend at work! If you don’t know if you are addicted, ask yourself how often you get on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. Do you find yourself at a red light pulling out your phone “just to see what’s going on”? Do you find yourself falling behind at work or school because a few minutes of browsing turned into hours of commenting, liking, and sharing posts? Do you find that you are on social media from the time your child comes home from school up until he or she is gone to bed? If so, I hope you can admit it and begin taking the necessary steps to fight this addiction. It’s just as bad as being addicted to drugs, alcohol, or sex. Addictions of any kind are unhealthy.

I am not saying that social media is a bad thing. I’m not saying that at all. It’s a great way to stay connected to the people you care about who live far away. It’s a great way to network and market your business. It’s a great way to evangelize to this lost world. What I am saying, though, is that social media addiction is real and our children are affected more than we realize.

I cannot pretend that I am completely over my addiction. It’s definitely a process as I am always tempted to get on my phone. I try to use social media now to do what I’m called to do, spread the Word of God and bring others to the feet of Christ. And I’ve been including my daughter in that. When I write, I let her proofread and give me her opinion. She is waiting at this very moment for me to finish this article so that she can read it before I publish it lol. She is almost 10 years old and time is flying. One day I will look back and wish I spent every single second with her hugging and loving on her. This is what makes me deactivate my accounts to take a break when I find myself online constantly. This is what makes me delete the apps from my phone. This is what makes me leave my phone upstairs when we are eating or watching a movie together.  I never want her to believe that she comes second to social media.

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© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content