An Eye Opening Experience

When my patient walked in, I immediately noticed his t-shirt and hat. His hat said “Jesus” and his t-shirt said, “Jesus is the STANDARD,” and he wore a silver cross around his neck. Both his shirt and hat were dirty; his belongings were also dirty, so I assumed he was homeless. He was a very nice man, in his late 70’s. When I brought him back to the exam room to prepare him to see the doctor, I couldn’t help but turn my nose up at the smell exuding from him. But as I stood over him, I looked down at him and right then, the Holy Spirit brought to my remembrance Matthew 35-40. Jesus identifies with the least of us. That means people who are sick, living in poverty, homeless, disabled, and anyone else who is needy. He says when we do for those people, we do for HIM. So if Jesus Himself says He is no different from those people who are the least of us, who am I to have my nose turned up?? I was immediately convicted and straightened my face, despite the smell and continued serving him, all the while pretending I was working on Jesus. As I was doing an EKG on him, I looked him over again- at his long dingy t-shirt and black pants that were almost gray, and his worn out sandals. I wonder if this was how Jesus’ clothes looked, I thought. Thinking about how much Jesus traveled, I’m sure his sandals were worn and that he wore his clothes for days at a time. And just like people today turn their noses up at people like my patient, people probably turned their noses up at Jesus as well. My patient had Jesus all over him, literally. From it being written on his clothes to his humble personality. While I was only with this man for about 10 minutes, that short time was an eye opening experience. I was no better than him just because my clothes were clean. At the end of the day, none of that matters anyway. What matters is the condition of our hearts. Although this man was poor, he was richer a lot of people as his words and attitude made known his true heart for God.

***UPDATE: It turns out this man is a missionary. He travels around the country spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ and lives out of his truck. Wow

Confession From An Imperfect Mother.


When I became pregnant with my daughter, I was filled with so many emotions but mainly fear. I could not believe I was actually pregnant! I mean… not that I didn’t know how it happened. I was just in shock. Wow I’m going to be a Mommy, was all I could think throughout my pregnancy. Once I got closer to my due date and started buying clothes, I would sit on the end of my bed, hold a onesie in my arms and cradle it as if it were an actual baby. I did this just about every night before I went to bed and listened to Monica’s song, “For You I Will”. It became my song for her. I could not wait to hold my baby for real. The closer I got to my due date, the more afraid I became. I became afraid of something bad happening while she was still in my womb. I was afraid of something bad happening at birth. I had read and heard so many different stories about the amniotic sac rupturing, the umbilical cord getting  wrapped around the baby’s neck and the baby dying during birth. I cannot even put into words how afraid I was. I was more afraid of losing my baby during birth than I was of going through the birth process itself. When it was finally time to have her, I probably prayed more than I ever had before. I had been in labor for 3 days, having contractions every 10 minutes, and sent home twice before the hospital finally kept me.

Let me just say this…

The fear I had when she was still in my womb was NOTHING compared to the fear I felt once she was out in the world! I was afraid of the possibility of her getting sick from people touching her, I was afraid that someone was watching me and plotting to take her from me (lol so serious), I was afraid of her dying from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), and most of all I was afraid of loving her too much and then losing her. The fear of losing her was so great that I was afraid of getting too close to her. I loved her immensely from the moment I saw her. We really connected the next morning… I remember I stood up, held her up in the air, and just looked at her. Wow, I thought, this is my baby! I kissed her little mouth and she sucked on my lip and her little eyes were looking away as she sucked away, I guess she was hungry (lol). But it truly was the best thing I had ever felt! I loved my little baby much more than I ever thought I could love and boy was it a scary feeling.

Fast forward…

I did not know this, but over the years I was emotionally keeping my baby at a distance. I knew I loved her more than anything in the world, but… there was an invisible wall I had built around myself that even she had not gotten through. See…The people in my life who I loved the most had no idea they were the people I loved the most because I didn’t say it or show it well. My baby was the only person I could be affectionate and loving with (called it being mushy). And even with all of the kisses and hugs I showered her with, I still felt an emotional distance between her and I. So I decided to reach out to a Therapist. I cried and told her how hard it was for me to be affectionate with people and I told her about the emotional distance I felt between me and my daughter. What she helped me to realize was this… because of being hurt so many times from losing almost every person I loved, I had subconsciously kept myself (or tried to keep myself) from getting attached to people. Unfortunately that included my baby. I was very young the first time I experienced losing family members, the worse being my mother. My brother was killed 5 months after my mother died, losing both of my grandfathers the same year, my grandmothers were gone, and not to mention cousins and friends I had grown up with were passing away. Death has been so real to me my entire life so I learned early not to get too attached to people. And I’ve heard people say that not getting too attached to people is actually a good thing, including children. It hurts to even write this, but I had become almost emotionally unavailable. And when a mother is emotionally unavailable to her child/children there is a great potential for neglect. While I did not neglect her in the sense of leaving her, I neglected her in other ways. I didn’t spend a lot of time with her. Looking back, I can remember holding and cuddling her at times, and being so comfortable but then crying because the thought of losing her would come into my mind so I would quickly put her down. Every time I thought about losing her, I distanced myself. (My poor baby! It hurts to even write this)


What changed that…

Once I realized I was in my baby’s life but not really “present”, it saddened me so much I couldn’t function. I cried out to God to please help me. What is wrong with me?? I asked Him. I begged Him to heal me from my past. I knew it was affecting how I was parenting my daughter– at a distance. It wasn’t an easy process, healing from my past. First, I accepted my past for what it was. I couldn’t change it. And I acknowledged that my past had equipped me for real life. In real life, people hurt you, whether it’s intentional or not. In real life, people die. It’s a part of life. And then I had to look at the good things that came from my past. God had a plan for me. He knew me before I was formed in my mother’s womb, and my past was all a part of His divine purpose for my life. I also had to accept that my baby does not belong to me. Nobody truly belongs to anyone because we all belong to God. My fear of losing her was crippling and kept me from loving her the way God calls me to love her. I had to get to the point of being able to tell God and truly mean it, “My life is not my own, neither is Kyelia’s. As I commit my life to you, I release her to You as well. Have Your way in our lives. May Your Will be done.” I gave it all to Him and I never took it back.



I do not walk around in fear of losing her, or anybody else. Is it still something I continually pray about today? Of course! I have to be prepared to counteract any negative feeling or thought, and I do that by fighting in the spirit through prayer.

Healing from a painful past can be a life long process for some. Some people never let go. They go through life holding on to things that happened to them when they were 2 or 3 years old. And because of that, they walk around with a wall like the one I had… never letting anybody in, not even their children. I pray the process of breaking down that wall begins today. I pray that whatever pain, disappointments, hurt, or crippling fears be cast out in the name of Jesus so it is no longer the wall blocking the blessings that await us. I pray that any mother out there who can relate to anything I wrote in this post finds comfort in knowing she is not alone and it is not too late to break down that wall. We all have painful scars from and past hurts from our childhood we have held onto for too long, and I pray for our strength to be able to put them down and walk away. In Jesus name. Amen.

Love, Mizz K 💜

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© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content



“We Wrestle Against Spiritual Wickedness in High Places”

I had trouble sleeping for a few days because I was worried and scared. At one point the other night I even felt like I was having a panic attack. I knew this wasn’t good so I prayed and asked God to help me fall asleep and to take away whatever I was feeling. I eventually fell asleep but was so tired all day yesterday because the lack of sleep. I knew this feeling was NOT of God so it had to be some type of spiritual attack. So last night Kyelia and I went around the entire house, praying and rebuking any and everything that is not of Him IN THE NAME OF JESUS (Mark 16:17; Acts 16:18). Our rooms, closets, bathrooms, the basement, every single room. I prayed over my house my baby and myself…. Our thoughts, our actions, our fears, I handed everything over to Him. Let me tell you, I slept like a baby last night!

Just like we clean, dust, and mop our houses to get the dirt out we have to clean out our houses to get those evil spirits out. They get in through people, things we watch, things we bring in and they will dwell there as long as we allow. In my case, I believe it was something I watched this past weekend that scared me so much. I even texted my friend while watching it that this movie is making me feel a certain way but I just gotta see how it ends. She even told me I should stop watching it. It is exactly what triggered those anxious feelings that did not go away until last night when I prayed it away.

Evil spirits are very real and make their move through things we watch, music we listen to, social media, books we read…. Anything that can enter our minds and influence our thoughts. Awhile back, I stopped watching and reading certain things that make me feel lustful and I can say that lust is no longer my biggest struggle. I rebuke that demon daily in the name of Jesus! And it’s certainly by the power of prayer, fasting, rebuking, cutting out certain movies, tv shows, books, practices, and people that I’m able to conquer that demon.

This is my favorite scripture because it reminds me that it’s those unseen things that we need to be on guard against:

“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”
Ephesians 6:10-12 KJV


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© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content