“Children Are Seasonal…”

“Children are seasonal…”. This statement hit me like a ton of bricks as I watched the interview of Gospel singer JJ Hairston and his wife, Trina, on Sister Circle Live.  They were on the show promoting their new book and was asked how they balance their marriage with parenthood. When Trina said she puts her marriage first because “children are seasonal,” I instantly thought of my daughter. I have been on an emotional roller coaster these past few days as the reality of my daughter now being a highschooler has set in. Monday I dropped her off at her new high school and I fought back tears as I watched her walk into this new stage of her life. So many thoughts went through my mind:

She’s entering into a whole new world.’

She’s going to be in the same vicinity as 17 and even 18-year-old boys.’

She’s still a baby at 13.’

Four more years and she’s gonna be going off to college.’

I’ve probably been praying more lately than I ever have before lol. But even in the midst of my worry, I’m trying to exercise my faith and trust that God has her. He’s been telling me in various ways that I need to begin to back off of her a little and allow her to grow. Hearing Trina Hairston make that statement about children being seasonal reminded me that our children are not meant to remain babies forever. While 18 years seems like a lot when your baby is only a year old, when that baby hits 9th grade the 4 more years that he/she has left in school feels like you only have a few months left with them. Hearing that statement made me think about the fact that I will be 38 years old when/if she goes off to college. At 38, I will still be young with a life to live and a purpose to fulfill. Now I understand why older married couples are often encouraging young married couples to date and have a life outside their children. Their reason is that once the nest is empty, the married couple will be strangers to each other if they neglected their own relationship so that their world would revolve around their children. Even as a single mom (prayerfully I will be married well before she goes off to college), I believe that that advice is relevant to me as well. If these past 13 years, soon to be 14, went as quickly as they did, these next 4 will be over before I know it. One day when I’m much older, her 18 years will have been but a fraction of my entire life. Thinking about it this way really puts things into perspective for me and helps me to make peace with the fact that my daughter’s childhood is ‘seasonal’. What’s most important now is ensuring that I am adequately preparing her for adulthood and being intentional about maximizing our time together. She’s going to grow up and eventually move out. And prayerfully she will one day get married and have children of her own.

If our own lives do not belong to us, what makes me think my child’s life belongs to me? This is hard truth to accept but it’s necessary. I would like to hear from other parents on this.

*If you are a parent and experiencing the same, please let me how it’s going for you.

*If you’re an empty nester, what advice do you have for me and other parents who are in this stage of realizing it’s time to cut the cord?

 

Until next time,
Love, Mizz K

P.S. If you haven’t already, please subscribe to my YouTube channel, Thinking Like a VIRTUOUS Woman, where I inspire women to think like the woman in Proverbs 31 both spiritually and financially.

Beautiful Lady, Stop Breaking Your Own Heart 

When you first met him, he chased you for months until you finally gave in and gave him a chance. You got to know him and begin dating and you find yourself liking him…. REALLY liking him. So then you give it up. You become even more attached to him and you begin asking him, So where is this going?” “What are we to each other?” He tells you that he is not ready for a relationship; you are disappointed because you want to be his girlfriend. But you don’t want to push him away by pressuring him so you decide to accept what is and continue playing the girlfriend role even though you are just “friends”. You cook for him, wash his clothes, & begin to have him around your children. You’re spending money that you don’t really have. You’re spending less time with your family and friends because you’re spending more time with him; and you wouldn’t dare look at another man because he is all you want and need. More time has gone past; your feelings are getting stronger, emotions are deeper and you demand that he gives you a relationship or else you walk. This time, his excuse is that things are so great that he does not want to mess anything up by putting a “title” on the relationship. Again, you are disappointed because you want that title but you let it go because you do not want to push him away by pressuring him. So you continue on with the “situationship” and you are not happy because there is no real commitment except his reassurance that he loves you and doesn’t want anybody else except you. After a few months, you find that he is spending less time with you… His “Good morning Beautiful” and “Goodnight Baby” texts have ceased. You begin noticing that other women have begun calling and texting him. He barely answers your calls anymore and you’re lucky if you see him once a week. When you confront him about it, he says he is single and reminds you that he told you from the beginning that he did not want a relationship. He is tired of the “pressure” so he leaves. He won’t return your calls nor texts. Now you are heartbroken… Crying yourself to sleep every night and beating yourself up for being so stupid again. Now you have to explain to your children why he is not around anymore. 

How do I know this scenario so well? Because I’ve been there and I know a lot of other women that’s been there too! And you know what, we all did it to ourselves. Let me tell you how.


First off, we should have our minds made up about what we will and will NOT accept..  And stick to it. And When a man says he does not want a relationship, HE DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP! Either he really doesn’t want one or he does want one, but not with you. Either way, you have a choice. You could either continue to date this man and accept that he is not going to be with you; OR, keep it moving if you know that a relationship is what you really want. Don’t stick around hoping to change his mind. More importantly, do NOT have sex with a man who is not your husband! Yep I said it. Before I tell you why I have a quick story:
I had decided that I was going to be abstinent until I got married. I was still dating and I had friends but I had my mind made up that I would never have sex again unless I was married. Well, I had this one friend who I began to spend a lot of time with… too much time actually. I knew that I should have kept myself out of compromising situations that would tempt me to sleep with him; it was easy at first until we started spending time alone. We would kiss and fondle each other but not have sex. I found myself fantasizing about making love to him; I would feel guilty about my thoughts because I knew that according to the Bible, fantasizing was just as worse as actually doing it. So to make myself feel better about fantasizing about him, I would pretend that we were married so at least I wouldn’t be fantasizing about sinning. (Yeah right) This made me want him even more. He was actually okay with the fact that I was waiting until marriage so it wasn’t like he was pressuring me or anything. But… I eventually gave into the temptation to have sex with him. Needless to say, things didn’t work out with him but because of the deep emotions I developed for him it was so hard to let go of the situation. Not only was I hurt because things did not work out, but I had a deep sense of guilt. I had made a promise to God that I would remain abstinent until I got married but I fell into temptation. I had never regretted something so much; I grew impatient and could not wait for marriage. I needed to fulfill my needs. Even knowing that God told me years ago that the man I fornicate with will not be my husband. Still I gave in. And got hurt. But, I did that to myself.
When we decide to open ourselves up to a man sexually, we open up ourselves to possible heartache and pain. Sex is something that is to be shared between HUSBAND and WIFE to procreate and express their love to one another. I don’t think that God is trying to “take the fun out life” by commanding us not to fornicate. I think part of the reason is that He’s protecting us. Think about it. How hurt were you when you stopped dating someone who you had never slept with? I’ll wait. Now, think about how hurt you were when things did not work out with someone who you shared your body with? When two people have sex, it is said that their souls connect which is why they become so attached…even more for women because we are naturally more emotional.
It is time for you to realize that a lot of what you are going through is your own fault. A man cannot use you for sex if you are not having sex with him. It is time for you to stop putting yourself through the pain. Stop being a “wife” to a man who is not your husband.
It took me a long time and a whole lot of mistakes to think the way I do now. I am at a point now where I am not settling; I am not accepting less than what God has for me; I am not giving my body to a man who is not my husband; I refuse to break my own heart!
I know you are probably tired of seeing people say “know your worth!” But ladies, you really do need to learn WHO you are. Get into God’s Word & see what He has to say about you. I did and it saved me from myself.
I’m getting to know myself more & more and I am AMAZING!
Love, Mizz K ♥

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