Does He LOVE You or is He SETTLING For You??? RACHAEL vs. LEAH…

I remember being in a “situationship” years ago where I felt like I needed to prove myself to this man that I was a good woman. I felt that if I sexed him good and catered to him, he’d see that I was the prize and would eventually marry me. Well, I soon found out that no matter how much I sexed him, fed him, and catered to him, he would never love me the way I loved him. Not only was I giving him all the milk without him having to buy the cow, but I was also competing for a heart that belonged to another woman. I won’t go into detail on this post as I do so in my book Pain, Promiscuity, Purpose: From Mess to Ministry  Let’s just say, me and everything I had been doing for and with him was a nonfactor when his ex came back into his life. He admitted that she was the only woman he had ever truly loved and he never got over her. At the time I was devastated, but looking back there were a couple instances where his behavior suggested he wasn’t over her. I just thought I was going to take his mind off of her as she wasn’t coming back to him anyway. The problem was that I didn’t even love myself enough to know whether she was coming back or not, I had no business serving as a placeholder. Knowing I was his “right now” should have been enough for me to walk away. I don’t regret that relationship as it ultimately propelled me into becoming the woman I am today. It was in that situation that I learned that when YOU devalue you, HE devalues you.

Somebody somewhere is thinking, “He’s with ME, though.” And that may be true. Y’all may live together, sleep together and even have children together. But where he IS means nothing if it’s not where he truly wants to be. In my latest YouTube video, I reference how Jacob in the Bible truly loved Rachael but he settled for Leah. Check it out below and let me know your thoughts in the comments…

“Children Are Seasonal…”

“Children are seasonal…”. This statement hit me like a ton of bricks as I watched the interview of Gospel singer JJ Hairston and his wife, Trina, on Sister Circle Live.  They were on the show promoting their new book and was asked how they balance their marriage with parenthood. When Trina said she puts her marriage first because “children are seasonal,” I instantly thought of my daughter. I have been on an emotional roller coaster these past few days as the reality of my daughter now being a highschooler has set in. Monday I dropped her off at her new high school and I fought back tears as I watched her walk into this new stage of her life. So many thoughts went through my mind:

She’s entering into a whole new world.’

She’s going to be in the same vicinity as 17 and even 18-year-old boys.’

She’s still a baby at 13.’

Four more years and she’s gonna be going off to college.’

I’ve probably been praying more lately than I ever have before lol. But even in the midst of my worry, I’m trying to exercise my faith and trust that God has her. He’s been telling me in various ways that I need to begin to back off of her a little and allow her to grow. Hearing Trina Hairston make that statement about children being seasonal reminded me that our children are not meant to remain babies forever. While 18 years seems like a lot when your baby is only a year old, when that baby hits 9th grade the 4 more years that he/she has left in school feels like you only have a few months left with them. Hearing that statement made me think about the fact that I will be 38 years old when/if she goes off to college. At 38, I will still be young with a life to live and a purpose to fulfill. Now I understand why older married couples are often encouraging young married couples to date and have a life outside their children. Their reason is that once the nest is empty, the married couple will be strangers to each other if they neglected their own relationship so that their world would revolve around their children. Even as a single mom (prayerfully I will be married well before she goes off to college), I believe that that advice is relevant to me as well. If these past 13 years, soon to be 14, went as quickly as they did, these next 4 will be over before I know it. One day when I’m much older, her 18 years will have been but a fraction of my entire life. Thinking about it this way really puts things into perspective for me and helps me to make peace with the fact that my daughter’s childhood is ‘seasonal’. What’s most important now is ensuring that I am adequately preparing her for adulthood and being intentional about maximizing our time together. She’s going to grow up and eventually move out. And prayerfully she will one day get married and have children of her own.

If our own lives do not belong to us, what makes me think my child’s life belongs to me? This is hard truth to accept but it’s necessary. I would like to hear from other parents on this.

*If you are a parent and experiencing the same, please let me how it’s going for you.

*If you’re an empty nester, what advice do you have for me and other parents who are in this stage of realizing it’s time to cut the cord?

 

Until next time,
Love, Mizz K

P.S. If you haven’t already, please subscribe to my YouTube channel, Thinking Like a VIRTUOUS Woman, where I inspire women to think like the woman in Proverbs 31 both spiritually and financially.

Remaining Neutral While You Wait

Recently, I watched a video featuring Pastor Touré Roberts and his wife, Sarah Jakes-Roberts. The video was called “5 Keys for Before and After ‘I do'” and it was a really good video for both singles and married folks. (I encourage you to check it out if you haven’t already.) I got a lot of great nuggets from the video but one thing stood out to me the most. When Pastor Touré was on the subject of the importance of receiving a confirmation from God before choosing a spouse, he mentioned that we need to remain neutral. As I’m sure you know, when you’re neutral it means you’re not on either side of a thing; you’re in the middle. The reason it’s imperative that we remain neutral is so we can hear clearly from God. Think about it. If you desperately want God to say, “Yes”, to whatever it is you’re asking of Him, that’s all you’re going to hear. God could be saying, “No,” but because you want so badly for Him to say, “Yes”, you may begin making excuses. “Well, maybe I didn’t hear God correctly.” “Maybe it’s me and I’m missing the yes.” When we’re neutral, we’re open to the fact that God may say “Yes” OR “No”. As I type this, I am striving to get to that place of neutrality as I await to hear from God. I believe it comes down to surrendering to God’s Will for our lives and trusting that He knows best. God knows us wayyyy better than we will ever know ourselves. When we can truly embrace that, it’s easier to be neutral and open to WHATEVER God wants for us. Many of us say, “I want God’s will for my life.” But do we really?

I challenge you, as I challenge myself, to remain neutral when it comes to whatever you’re seeking God about right now. Whether you want God’s answer about the spouse you should choose, the job you should take, or the new city you want to move to…  Don’t let your feelings keep you from hearing God clearly.

As always, feel free to reach out with any questions or prayer requests at love_mizzk@yahoo.com

 

Until next time,

Love, Mizz K