Beautiful Lady, Stop Breaking Your Own Heart 

When you first met him, he chased you for months until you finally gave in and gave him a chance. You got to know him and begin dating and you find yourself liking him…. REALLY liking him. So then you give it up. You become even more attached to him and you begin asking him, So where is this going?” “What are we to each other?” He tells you that he is not ready for a relationship; you are disappointed because you want to be his girlfriend. But you don’t want to push him away by pressuring him so you decide to accept what is and continue playing the girlfriend role even though you are just “friends”. You cook for him, wash his clothes, & begin to have him around your children. You’re spending money that you don’t really have. You’re spending less time with your family and friends because you’re spending more time with him; and you wouldn’t dare look at another man because he is all you want and need. More time has gone past; your feelings are getting stronger, emotions are deeper and you demand that he gives you a relationship or else you walk. This time, his excuse is that things are so great that he does not want to mess anything up by putting a “title” on the relationship. Again, you are disappointed because you want that title but you let it go because you do not want to push him away by pressuring him. So you continue on with the “situationship” and you are not happy because there is no real commitment except his reassurance that he loves you and doesn’t want anybody else except you. After a few months, you find that he is spending less time with you… His “Good morning Beautiful” and “Goodnight Baby” texts have ceased. You begin noticing that other women have begun calling and texting him. He barely answers your calls anymore and you’re lucky if you see him once a week. When you confront him about it, he says he is single and reminds you that he told you from the beginning that he did not want a relationship. He is tired of the “pressure” so he leaves. He won’t return your calls nor texts. Now you are heartbroken… Crying yourself to sleep every night and beating yourself up for being so stupid again. Now you have to explain to your children why he is not around anymore. 

How do I know this scenario so well? Because I’ve been there and I know a lot of other women that’s been there too! And you know what, we all did it to ourselves. Let me tell you how.

First off, we should have our minds made up about what we will and will NOT accept..  And stick to it. And When a man says he does not want a relationship, HE DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP! Either he really doesn’t want one or he does want one, but not with you. Either way, you have a choice. You could either continue to date this man and accept that he is not going to be with you; OR, keep it moving if you know that a relationship is what you really want. Don’t stick around hoping to change his mind. More importantly, do NOT have sex with a man who is not your husband! Yep I said it. Before I tell you why I have a quick story:
I had decided that I was going to be abstinent until I got married. I was still dating and I had friends but I had my mind made up that I would never have sex again unless I was married. Well, I had this one friend who I began to spend a lot of time with… too much time actually. I knew that I should have kept myself out of compromising situations that would tempt me to sleep with him; it was easy at first until we started spending time alone. We would kiss and fondle each other but not have sex. I found myself fantasizing about making love to him; I would feel guilty about my thoughts because I knew that according to the Bible, fantasizing was just as worse as actually doing it. So to make myself feel better about fantasizing about him, I would pretend that we were married so at least I wouldn’t be fantasizing about sinning. (Yeah right) This made me want him even more. He was actually okay with the fact that I was waiting until marriage so it wasn’t like he was pressuring me or anything. But… I eventually gave into the temptation to have sex with him. Needless to say, things didn’t work out with him but because of the deep emotions I developed for him it was so hard to let go of the situation. Not only was I hurt because things did not work out, but I had a deep sense of guilt. I had made a promise to God that I would remain abstinent until I got married but I fell into temptation. I had never regretted something so much; I grew impatient and could not wait for marriage. I needed to fulfill my needs. Even knowing that God told me years ago that the man I fornicate with will not be my husband. Still I gave in. And got hurt. But, I did that to myself.
When we decide to open ourselves up to a man sexually, we open up ourselves to possible heartache and pain. Sex is something that is to be shared between HUSBAND and WIFE to procreate and express their love to one another. I don’t think that God is trying to “take the fun out life” by commanding us not to fornicate. I think part of the reason is that He’s protecting us. Think about it. How hurt were you when you stopped dating someone who you had never slept with? I’ll wait. Now, think about how hurt you were when things did not work out with someone who you shared your body with? When two people have sex, it is said that their souls connect which is why they become so attached…even more for women because we are naturally more emotional.
It is time for you to realize that a lot of what you are going through is your own fault. A man cannot use you for sex if you are not having sex with him. It is time for you to stop putting yourself through the pain. Stop being a “wife” to a man who is not your husband.
It took me a long time and a whole lot of mistakes to think the way I do now. I am at a point now where I am not settling; I am not accepting less than what God has for me; I am not giving my body to a man who is not my husband; I refuse to break my own heart!
I know you are probably tired of seeing people say “know your worth!” But ladies, you really do need to learn WHO you are. Get into God’s Word & see what He has to say about you. I did and it saved me from myself.
I’m getting to know myself more & more and I am AMAZING!
Love, Mizz K ♥

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© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

It’s funny how we sometimes look at other women and envy their bodies, not realizing that same woman is looking at the next woman and envying hers. I was having this conversation with a friend who, like me, has some things she would change about her body if she could. While we both have issues with our bodies, our issues are not the same. Up until recently, I had tried to gain and keep a few extra pounds while she is trying to lose a few pounds. We talk often and are very open with one another about our insecurities as far as our bodies are concerned. Our conversations sometimes go like this (no kidding), “You are so lucky you are small; you would look great in that dress.” “But at least you have big enough breasts to fill out THIS top I wish I could wear”.
Looking at us, most people would probably say our bodies are fine. I’m a size 6 and I’m not sure of her size but she is a well proportioned “thick” woman. In my opinion, she has a wonderful shape; but no matter how much I tell her that, she has to know and feel it for herself. The truth is, a lot of women struggle with this same issue. I’m sure any woman reading this can think of at least one thing about her body that she wishes she could change with a snap of her fingers. Newsflash: That one thing you would pay to change, another woman is dying to have.

This was something I realized after talking to one of my patients. As I was checking her weight, she was complaining about how she hated her body and wanted to lose weight. I could not believe what she was saying because this woman was the definition of what they call a “Brick House”. She had full breasts, a tiny waist, round hips, and a very nice behind. I was literally standing there with my mouth open looking at her hourglass figure. I said, “Girl what are you talking about?? Do you know how many women would love to have your body? People actually pay money to have your shape.” She said she HATED her body and wished her hips and behind were smaller. She went on to say that she had a hard time shopping for clothes, and she couldn’t wear belts because her waist was too small. She also said that she had a hard time with men because she never knew if they were genuinely interested in her or only wanted her for her body. When she gave me all these reasons why she didn’t like her body, all I could say was WOW. I had no idea that women with “perfect” bodies had issues too. After listening to her and talking to others, I found that there are more women who are unhappy with their bodies than there are women who are satisfied. Don’t believe me? Turn on your television. It’s proven in the media, women proudly flaunting their fake breasts and fake behinds. But the thing is, these women have not learned to accept themselves for who they are and how God made them. Meanwhile, these are the same women who most of us are sitting at home wishing we looked like.

I remember seeing certain women and thinking, “Wow I wish I had a body like that!” But I have realized that the best way for me to be unhappy is to compare myself to other people. When you compare yourself to others, you tend to worry about what you don’t have rather than what you do have. Ladies, we have to remember that we were made perfectly in God’s image. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, whether we are size 8 or size 18. God made us who we are. Stop looking at other women and comparing your breasts to hers; and stop comparing your stomach and behind to hers. Stop worrying about the fact that her waste is smaller than yours. Especially if you have had children. Giving birth is a blessing; so thank God for the experience and let the marks be a reminder of that beautiful miracle.

If a healthier body is what you want, then take the necessary steps to make that happen. Maybe diabetes or hypertension run in your family and you want to lower your risk by losing weight; that is a great reason to want to lose weight. But please don’t let your motivation be the girl you see on TV or the woman you saw at the mall that had the “perfect body”. Do not believe society’s definition of a perfect body. A perfect body in my opinion is the body God made just for YOU.

Love, Mizz K ♥

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