And the Lord said to Moses, “How long will these people treat me with contempt……”

Numbers 14:11New Living Translation (NLT)

11 And the Lord said to Moses, “How long will these people treat me with contempt? Will they never believe me, even after all the miraculous signs I have done among them?

The above scripture is the first verse I read in the Bible that made me really FEEL for God. Up until then I had never felt any emotion for Him. I knew that I am supposed to love God but I thought maybe praying to Him, reading His Word, and obeying His Word was loving Him. While loving Him does encompass all of those things, I realized that that’s not the only way to love God; I could actually FEEL love for Him. I got so emotional and cried when I read this verse… once I realized I was feeling an actual emotion for God, I went from crying to smiling to amazement because I never thought I could feel for Him.  I had read the preceding chapters– Genesis, Exodus, and Leviticus; so by this time I felt like I had gotten to know the Lord. In getting to know Him, I realized that when He said, “Let Us make man in Our own image” (Genesis 1:26), He was not only talking about physical image like I had always thought He meant (male, female, body, etc.); He was also talking about in His image as we are beings with feelings just like Him. The same way we feel happy, sad, hurt, angry, and any other emotion is the same way God feels. Yes, He FEELS. He even says in His Word that He is a jealous God (Exodus 34:14). And the Word also says that at one point, He was so angry with man that He REGRETTED creating us! (Genesis 6:6)

During the time of this verse, God had been using Moses to deliver His people, the Israelites, out of slavery in Egypt. He used Moses in a special way… He used Moses to perform miracles in front of the people so that they would believe in Him, trust Him, and give Him glory. These people had witnessed God’s miracles with their own eyes time after time and it still was never enough. It seemed nothing could make them happy. God delivered them from the hands of the Egyptians… He performed miracles….. he provided them with food and drink on their long journey into the Land that He promised they would inherit. But still they complained and they also sinned against God. So in this verse, the Lord is asking Moses how long are they going to keep trying me?? Why won’t they just listen?? When I read this, I felt sadness from the Lord. Knowing Him (I can say that now because I do), I am sure that He was angry but I felt more hurt coming from Him than anything. I thought about how He had done so much for His people yet they could not turn from their sinful ways; nor would they stop complaining.

Reminds me of us today…. God has worked in our lives in different ways to prove Himself to us (not that He has anything to prove); but I believe He proves Himself for us to continue to trust in Him and also so that we know it is HIM. He has proven Himself to be faithful…. forgiving…. loving…. miraculous…. redeeming… freeing (feel free to add to this)

And even then, we still wonder….  we still doubt… we still question…

We still turn away from Him when things are going wrong

But, I wonder what would happen if we decide….. to just trust that He knows what He’s doing?

Love, Mizz K ♥

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A Conversation With God

I wrote this about 10 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter and I just came across it while going through some of my old things. I was in a bible study and the teacher gave us a poem where the writer had questions for God; our assignment was to write something similar. It is very short and I didn’t think much of it while I was writing if I was even thinking at all; in my mind I was just completing an assignment. I remember finishing it in about 10 minutes because I did not put any effort into at all. I didn’t know why I was writing this conversation; it wasn’t like it had actually happened. Now that I look back, I realize now that maybe I was asking for something and didn’t know I was. But God knew. At the time of writing this I was 19 years old and pregnant, alone, and living in a youth shelter. I did not think much of myself but I am so thankful that God did. Now that I look back on what has happened in my life in the past 10 years since writing this, He has truly been amazing… I will never be able to put it into words. 

A Conversation With God

I asked God if He loves me & He said, ” Yes”

I asked God if my mother was still around and He said ” Sssh, listen”… and I heard her voice…

I asked God for a chance and He gave me a new life…

I looked in my refrigerator and it was bare. I asked God for something to eat. He told me to close the refrigerator and open it again. I did as He said and when I opened it, there was enough food to last me for months…

I asked God for a dollar and He gave me fifty. I asked God, “Am I worthy of this?” and He gave me fifty more…

I asked God for guidance and He handed me the Bible…

I asked God, ” Who can help me better myself? Who can help me become a better daughter, a more considerate sister, a more loving niece, a more giving aunt, a kinder cousin, & a more compassionate friend? Who can help me become a heaven-approving mother?” He handed me a mirror.

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Thank You

 It was your mean words….

It was your turning your back on me when I needed you most…

It was your telling me that I would turn out just like my mother…

It was your beating me for no reason other than being BORN…

It was your burning my innocent 3 year old fingers on a gas stove…

It was your calling me ugly…

It was your calling me stupid…

It was your calling me B*tch as if it was my name…

It was your talking about me behind my back…

It was your telling me that I would never be anything…

It was your saying that there was no hope for me…

It was your turning your back on my daughter and living the life as if you have no children…

It was your pretending to be my best friend so that I let you in the way I’ve never let anyone in only for you to betray me…

It was your leaving me out & making sure to remind me every chance you got that I was not really apart of the family…

It was your turning your nose up at me because of my dark skin…

It was your selfishness when I loss the one person who was my EVERYTHING and all you could ask was “what did she leave ME??”

It was your telling me that you care nothing for me nor my daughter even though we are your blood…

It was your stealing from me…

It was your touching me in places you knew were forbidden but you were so HORNY & PERVERTED that all you cared about was getting yourself off, forget the fact that I was only a child!!

It was your not liking me for no reason…

It was your envy turned hate…

It was your judging me…

It was your wishing for my failure…

that ALMOST took me out!

anoint my head

Instead, I grew STRONGER… I worked HARDER…. I pushed FARTHER…. I became DETERMINED to prove all my naysayers wrong.

Most importantly, I ran away from the WORLD and into the arms of my Saviour never to look back. He wiped away my tears that I cried for so long… made me secure in my moments of insecurity. Gave me a sound mind when I should have been crazy. Helped me to love because He first loved me. Taught me to forgive by forgiving me. I have wanted for nothing; He has provided exceedingly and abundantly above all that I can ask or think. He’s favored me, had mercy on me, saved me, blessed me, anointed me, kept me…. elevated me

All in the presence of my Enemies

 -Mizz K ♥

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over, Psalm 23:5 

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© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content