“I’m Getting Married! But For All the Wrong Reasons…” – “Pain, Promiscuity, Purpose: From Mess To Ministry”

Five years ago, I was engaged to a man I loved but wasn’t in love with. Deep down, I knew I shouldn’t marry him as the only thing that excited me about marrying him was the actual wedding itself. I didn’t get excited at the thought of spending the rest of my life with him, nor did I get excited about taking on his last name. I was only excited about walking down the aisle in a beautiful wedding gown. I was even more excited about having “in-house” (some of you know what this is). In my mind, I NEEDED to get married. It was the only way to “CURE” my promiscuity.

Needless to say, I did not end up marrying him and I’m so glad I didn’t because I’m pretty sure I would have cheated on him. See, I had yet to address my problem. It wouldn’t be until about 2 years later that I would realize that I had an addiction. And there was no way I could be disciplined in marriage if I couldn’t be disciplined in my singleness. Many people (like myself at one point) think that getting married is the cure to sexual addiction because once they’re married “they can get it all the time”. But the truth is, if we don’t practice sexual purity while we are still single, it will not miraculously get easier once we’re married. I know women who are married to men with mistresses– pornography and masturbation. The man has no need for the woman because he’s good all by himself. I know women who are married and are unsatisfied with their husbands because they need something “new”.

Knowing this is what happens when one does not overcome sexual addiction in their singleness, I refused to let that be my story. I literally cried out to God to free me. And then I begin taking the necessary steps to overcome. I just wanted to tell somebody today that marriage does not cure sexual addiction. If you are addicted to masturbation, pornography, multiple partners, while you are still single…. that addiction is not going to magically disappear once you say “I do”. NOW is the time to start practicing sexual purity. I’m telling you…. 2 years… and I’ve never felt more FREE.

If you need prayer, advice or tips on how to abstain, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’d be happy to share what I did and what I do. I know the struggle and I know its REAL!

 

 

~ Love, Mizz K 💜

side smile

 

 

Read my story here: https://www.amazon.com/Pain-Promiscuity-Purpose-Mess-Ministry-ebook/dp/B073QYHBPV/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1515450066&sr=8-1&keywords=pain+promiscuity+purpose

 

Trying To Fight An Addiction?

Addictions of any kind are unhealthy. Let’s see… There are sexual addictions, drug addictions, alcohol addictions, attention-seeking addictions, biting addictions, etc. Some people have addictions that you would never believe existed. Whatever addiction you are currently struggling with, this is my best advice to you: just STOP doing it. I know what you’re thinking, it is NOT that easy! I am aware of that. Trust me I KNOW! But you are much more powerful than you realize. Ever heard of “mind over matter”? Needing that thing that you are addicted to is all in your mind. You don’t need it; you only THINK you do. You have to begin and continue telling yourself, “I do NOT need this.” And then DON’T do it. And keep NOT doing it. Once you get past the initial ‘pain’ of abstaining from your addiction, it gets easier. Sometimes the action has to precede the thought. In other words, there are some things that we have to first stop doing before the desire to do them goes away. When I made the decision to abstain from sex until marriage, I had to first stop doing it. It was very hard and it took a few tries (I backslid a few times). But eventually  I stopped, got through the initial pain of abstaining, and now I can honestly say that I am okay with not having sex. And I suffered from addiction to sex. I never ever thought that I would be able to overcome but by the grace of God, I did! It took lots of prayer, reading God’s Word, and staying out of tempting situations.
While you’re still in the beginning phase where you could easily give in, you must stay away from situations (and people) that tempt you to indulge in your addiction. For example, if you struggle with an alcohol addiction you need to stay away from settings where alcohol will be served. Eventually you will be strong enough to be around it and not be bothered. Until then, do what you have to do. And that may mean missing a few social gatherings until you’re strong enough. That’s exactly what I had to do. For awhile, I stayed away from bars and any other event that served alcohol. Three years later, I can be around it and not feel an ounce of desire to indulge.
I’m only able to speak on overcoming addiction because I have overcome a few, and currently still in the process of overcoming one. Like I said, any addictions is unhealthy no matter how ‘small’. If you struggle with an addiction that may be a threat to your health or to others, or an addiction that affects your daily functioning, I encourage you to reach out to your local government for resources that may be able to help. Remember, the first step in overcoming any addiction is to first acknowledge that you have an addiction and need help. You are not the only one so never feel ashamed and too embarrassed to seek help. We all have struggled or are still struggling with some kind of addiction so you are not alone, dear brother or sister.

*I just want to mention that some addictions are the result of spiritual strongholds. And in that case, you need deliverance which is a process that includes reading the Word of God, prayer, fasting, and falling to the feet of Jesus. True deliverance takes place in your spirit, mind, and body. You are more than welcome to send a prayer request if you would like help battling your addiction spiritually. Email your request to love_mizzk@yahoo.com.

Peace and blessings

Love, Mizz K 

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© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

 

Do You Pay More Attention To Your ‘News Feed’ Than You Do Your Child?

“It’s just Facebook!” We all like to say that, but is it really? I read a story this morning about how a mother did not realize she was addicted to social media until her small daughter expressed that she felt like her Mommy liked the computer more than she liked her. It made me think of a similar experience I had with my own daughter. One day I was in my phone reading; I do not remember what it was but I do remember that my daughter kept asking me questions. I was so into what I was reading that I was not paying her any attention. I can remember nodding and saying okay a few times. Then she burst out and said, “Mommy you don’t pay me any attention anymore. You’re always in your phone!” I looked at her and she looked like she was about to cry. I realized her feelings were hurt. I put down my phone, hugged her and told her that I was sorry and I will do better.

Now, this wasn’t something I was hearing for the first time. I have been told by countless people that I’m always in my phone and don’t pay attention. Every single guy that I have ever dated has complained about me not paying them any attention because I’m always in my phone. My aunt, before she passed away, would always tell me put away my phone. When my father is riding in my car, he points out that whatever it is I’m looking at in my phone when I stop at a red light can wait. None of that phased me though. It’s my phone and I pay the bill so I can be on my phone all day and night if I pleased. Until it came out of my daughter’s mouth. When she said it, I finally heard it. I was addicted to my phone. Whether I was browsing Facebook, Instagram, or reading the mag articles that are sent to my email daily, I was in my phone constantly. I was online more than I was present with my baby. Sometimes I would plan to just get online and browse for a minute to see what’s going on. A minute would turn into 30 minutes and then an hour. Next thing I know hours would have gone past and I still needed to cook dinner, clean, or check homework.

I am sharing this to bring light to the fact that we don’t realize that the little bit of time we think we are spending on social media adds up to hours. Sometimes as many hours as we spend at work! If you don’t know if you are addicted, ask yourself how often you get on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. Do you find yourself at a red light pulling out your phone “just to see what’s going on”? Do you find yourself falling behind at work or school because a few minutes of browsing turned into hours of commenting, liking, and sharing posts? Do you find that you are on social media from the time your child comes home from school up until he or she is gone to bed? If so, I hope you can admit it and begin taking the necessary steps to fight this addiction. It’s just as bad as being addicted to drugs, alcohol, or sex. Addictions of any kind are unhealthy.

I am not saying that social media is a bad thing. I’m not saying that at all. It’s a great way to stay connected to the people you care about who live far away. It’s a great way to network and market your business. It’s a great way to evangelize to this lost world. What I am saying, though, is that social media addiction is real and our children are affected more than we realize.

I cannot pretend that I am completely over my addiction. It’s definitely a process as I am always tempted to get on my phone. I try to use social media now to do what I’m called to do, spread the Word of God and bring others to the feet of Christ. And I’ve been including my daughter in that. When I write, I let her proofread and give me her opinion. She is waiting at this very moment for me to finish this article so that she can read it before I publish it lol. She is almost 10 years old and time is flying. One day I will look back and wish I spent every single second with her hugging and loving on her. This is what makes me deactivate my accounts to take a break when I find myself online constantly. This is what makes me delete the apps from my phone. This is what makes me leave my phone upstairs when we are eating or watching a movie together.  I never want her to believe that she comes second to social media.

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© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content
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