The Pain Of Losing A Mother

Whether a mother is lost suddenly due to tragedy or slowly due to an illness, a lifelong pain is produced that is unexplainable. If she died suddenly, you deal with the feelings of “just having a conversation with her and she seemed fine”. Or, you had just left her and planned on calling her in a bit. Or you had just made plans to have dinner at her house on Sunday. Or, you just had an argument and parted on bad terms. Whichever scenario describes or almost describes your situation, you have feelings of regret. “I should’ve stayed with her a little longer”. “I should’ve hugged her a little tighter”. “I should have been the bigger person and apologized”.

If she died slowly due to an incurable illness or condition, you deal with a sense of feeling selfish because you find yourself trying to hold onto her. You cannot stand the sight of seeing her suffer, but you are never ready to let her go. You watch her slowly deteriorate over time. You watch her in pain and it hurts so bad because you can’t do anything about it. Except hold her hand. And give her anything she wants. You want her to be happy in her last moments. When she passes on, the pain is still as bad as if it had happened suddenly. At first, you find yourself  reaching for your phone to call Mom. Or you find yourself preparing to fix an extra plate for dinner. Or you find yourself wanting to tell her the funny thing that the baby did today. But then it hits you. And you remember that Mom is gone. You find yourself calling her phone just to hear her voice again. Or sniffing her clothes to hold on to her scent. But as time goes on, you are no longer able to hear the voicemail because the phone is now off. Her voice is no longer as clear in your mind as it was before. Her scent is no longer fresh on her clothing. You realize that you are slowly losing the little that you had left of her. And all you have now are memories and photos. Some days you will think of her, look at her pictures, and cry until your head hurts. Some days you will think of her and smile. You will hear her favorite song and it will instantly bring you to tears no matter how happy the song is. Hearing the song will take you back to those moments that she blasted the song while cleaning on Saturday mornings, or turned up the song in the car and embarrassed you with her loud singing. You will have vivid dreams of her only to wake up and realize that it’s only a dream, and Mommy is not really back. You will have dreams that comfort you as she assures you that she is okay.

Will the pain ever go away? No. But with time, it gets easier to deal with. There is an emptiness that comes with losing your mother that can never be filled. It is as if a part of you dies with her. The feeling is hard for you to explain and attempting to only makes you break down in tears. Every milestone, every accomplishment, every celebration will have you wishing she was here to experience it with you. You will wish she lived to see you graduate. You will wish she lived to see you walk down the aisle. You will wish she lived to see your children’s first steps and laugh at the cute things they say. The pain will never go away, you only learn to accept that she’s gone and it’s a part of God’s plan. As much as it hurts, you find comfort in knowing that there lies a purpose behind the pain. And as you grow closer to God, you realize that He makes no mistakes. Perhaps she already served God’s purpose for her life. After all, He did use her to birth YOU. I pray for your comfort in the hard times and for peace in your heart. And I pray that you can be a comfort to those who are in that place that you once were.

Love, Mizz K ♥

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© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content
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What Does It Mean To Be Virtuous?

What does it mean to be “Virtuous”? Some women may read Proverbs 31:10-31 and think, “I gotta live up to that??” You don’t have to “dress in fine linen and purple”, sell clothes, or begin cooking for your family while it’s still night to be a “virtuous woman”.  These verses are meant to inspire us, not intimidate us. They let us know that a Virtuous Woman is a woman of noble character who is respected and honored inside and outside of her home. Virtuous means upright, righteous, good, moral, and high-minded. It means you know what and who you are. You also know WHOSE you are. It means you realize how precious and rare you are. Your worth is not determined by the clothes you wear or how pretty your smile. It is your inner beauty which sets you apart from the rest. You are not beautiful because of long flowing hair, but because of the beautiful spirit of God living within you. It is not make up that makes you glow, but the Light of Christ shining through you. It is the Joy that comes with knowing the Lord that keeps you smiling when the world around you is tumbling down. It is the Word of God written on your heart and spoken with your tongue, that you use as a daily living guide, that makes you a Virtuous Woman. Just my thoughts. Oh well, who am I? Just a woman who fell in love with a Man who told me I was Virtuous. And I believed Him.

Love, Mizz K ♥

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© Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK', 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kendra Fowler and 'LoveMizzK' with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

 

And the Lord said to Moses, “How long will these people treat me with contempt……”

Numbers 14:11New Living Translation (NLT)

11 And the Lord said to Moses, “How long will these people treat me with contempt? Will they never believe me, even after all the miraculous signs I have done among them?

The above scripture is the first verse I read in the Bible that made me really FEEL for God. Up until then I had never felt any emotion for Him. I knew that I am supposed to love God but I thought maybe praying to Him, reading His Word, and obeying His Word was loving Him. While loving Him does encompass all of those things, I realized that that’s not the only way to love God; I could actually FEEL love for Him. I got so emotional and cried when I read this verse… once I realized I was feeling an actual emotion for God, I went from crying to smiling to amazement because I never thought I could feel for Him.  I had read the preceding chapters– Genesis, Exodus, and Leviticus; so by this time I felt like I had gotten to know the Lord. In getting to know Him, I realized that when He said, “Let Us make man in Our own image” (Genesis 1:26), He was not only talking about physical image like I had always thought He meant (male, female, body, etc.); He was also talking about in His image as we are beings with feelings just like Him. The same way we feel happy, sad, hurt, angry, and any other emotion is the same way God feels. Yes, He FEELS. He even says in His Word that He is a jealous God (Exodus 34:14). And the Word also says that at one point, He was so angry with man that He REGRETTED creating us! (Genesis 6:6)

During the time of this verse, God had been using Moses to deliver His people, the Israelites, out of slavery in Egypt. He used Moses in a special way… He used Moses to perform miracles in front of the people so that they would believe in Him, trust Him, and give Him glory. These people had witnessed God’s miracles with their own eyes time after time and it still was never enough. It seemed nothing could make them happy. God delivered them from the hands of the Egyptians… He performed miracles….. he provided them with food and drink on their long journey into the Land that He promised they would inherit. But still they complained and they also sinned against God. So in this verse, the Lord is asking Moses how long are they going to keep trying me?? Why won’t they just listen?? When I read this, I felt sadness from the Lord. Knowing Him (I can say that now because I do), I am sure that He was angry but I felt more hurt coming from Him than anything. I thought about how He had done so much for His people yet they could not turn from their sinful ways; nor would they stop complaining.

Reminds me of us today…. God has worked in our lives in different ways to prove Himself to us (not that He has anything to prove); but I believe He proves Himself for us to continue to trust in Him and also so that we know it is HIM. He has proven Himself to be faithful…. forgiving…. loving…. miraculous…. redeeming… freeing (feel free to add to this)

And even then, we still wonder….  we still doubt… we still question…

We still turn away from Him when things are going wrong

But, I wonder what would happen if we decide….. to just trust that He knows what He’s doing?

Love, Mizz K ♥

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